


The Halfway Home

by EllWillHowl



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Disabled Characters, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Family Fluff, Found Family, Gen, Lots of minor characters - Freeform, M/M, Mild Language, college typical stress, emotional trauma recovery, mental health exploration, past relationship(s) referenced, started as a taakitz coffee shop drabble, they're all ND basically, turned into emotional family exploration senior year and the future, whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-04-26 01:55:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14391762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllWillHowl/pseuds/EllWillHowl
Summary: Taako knew senior year would be hard. His sister is looking at jobs across the country, his own plans amount to a whole lot of nothing, he can't think of anyone to take over his mentor duties after he graduates, and he can't seem to come up with a single idea for his senior project. To cap it all off, he thinks he's developing a crush, but seeing as he doesn't know where he'll be at the end of the year, it's no use pursuing that either, even if he wanted to. But this is Taako's family we're talking about. They've survived worse in the past, and they'll get through this year too—and with any luck, it'll even be in one piece.





	1. September

The coffee shop’s dreary atmosphere, while accurately matching the mid September rain, was not doing anything to help Taako’s creativity. Hanging bulbs cast harsh light on black painted exposed piping and polished wood floors. The heavy black was broken by white details and the gleaming white counter, seemingly even more stark against the dark walls. The most playful splash of color came from the wall across from the counter which was covered, floor to ceiling, in the signatures and doodles of the shop’s loyal regulars. Taako wrinkled his nose at the strong scent of coffee permeating the dimly light cafe. Lup’s shift was supposed to finish any minute, so he figured it wasn’t worth trying to order a hot chocolate or something. 

While he waited, Taako’s mind wandered, drawn to the announcement his professor had handed out today in class. As a senior, he had to present a dish, a unique creation all his own, that made up a significant portion of his grade. Basically, if Taako failed to impress the professor, he wouldn’t pass the class, and wouldn’t have the credits necessary to finally graduate culinary school. _It’s not like I haven’t created new dishes before,_ Taako reminded himself, _this one just carries the weight of my entire future, that’s all._ Surprisingly that did nothing to soothe his anxiety. 

Swiping some of the packets of sugar and stirring sticks from a side table, Taako made his way over to a booth in the corner. He arranged the items in front of him, adding more odds and ends from his backpack until the table was cluttered with random objects. Being a visual learner, it was easier for Taako to brainstorm new ideas if he could use physical objects to represent flavors and move them around in different combinations. Mentally assigning different ingredients to be represented by different objects in front of him, it wasn’t long before Taako was completely lost in the process of creation. His mind supplied ingredient combinations and their likely tastes like they were equations, simultaneously comparing his creations with pre-existing recipes as he struggled to create something unique. Before long, Taako had made the little table into a complete mess. 

Ideas tickled at the back of Taako’s mind. He knew that he could make something truly amazing if only he could solve the puzzle. Like everything would come into focus if only he put on his glasses. 

Frustratingly his concentration was shattered as a voice very close to the table interrupted, “Lup? I thought you weren’t working tonight. And what on earth have you done to the table?” The stranger’s voice was deep and bitter. 

Angrily Taako turned to glare at the intruder. “Better luck next time dude, I’m not Lup. And don’t be so salty, I was just leaving.” He swept an arm across the now-useless mess, haphazardly sweeping everything into his backpack. The stranger was still staring at him in slight shock as Taako pushed roughly from his chair. Once standing, Taako could tell that the stranger was taller than him by at least a hand, and dressed in the uniform of the baristas, a black shirt with small decal of a raven’s skull embroidered in silver on the left breast. Taako gave the handsome newcomer a slow once-over, not disguising his gaze in the slightest. The man’s hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail of braids, and his eyes were large and dark as they narrowed defensively at Taako’s inspection, but his face was gaunt, the skin seemingly stretched tight, exposing the shape of his skull.

The stranger recovered from his surprise with graceful speed, unfortunately. “My mistake. Thanks for not making me clean up your mess then, I guess.” His tone feigned gratitude covering thinly veiled sarcasm.

“Oh silly me, I didn’t realize working in a coffee shop was so strenuous, or maybe, it’s just the stick up your ass.”

Nostrils flaring, he sniped back, rapid-fire, “Ah but I wouldn’t expect you to understand working for a living, looks like you’ve never done a hard day’s work in your life.” The quick, derisive flit of eyes over Taako’s loose blouse, designer jeans and bejeweled fingers was just pointed enough to bring an angry flush to his face. 

Lup arrived just in time to prevent Taako from making another retort, cutting him off just as he opened his mouth again. “Thanks for waiting bro, but we better get going,” she managed to bite out, slightly muffled by the red scrunchie held in between her teeth. She finished securing her hair in a quick ponytail, a good portion immediately escaping, falling in tangled curls to her chin and she paused next to Taako’s table to wait for Barry. Lup had paired her black work shirt with black ripped jeans, but she had also managed to get streaked with flour, made all the more evident on the all-black ensemble. When Lup’s boyfriend came out from behind the counter as well, it was no surprise to Taako that Barry was wearing his trademark crisp, clean, blue jeans. “Luce will have our heads if we’re late, she’s been planning this party for months,” Lup impatiently huffed, pulling out her umbrella in preparation for the steady drizzle outside.

“Waiting on you, Lulu,” Taako cooly replied, but she had already turned toward the door, shouting a goodbye to her coworker Sloane, still behind the counter. Barry trailed behind her like a second shadow. 

Taako followed on their heels, brushing past the tall stranger nonchalantly. He couldn’t resist one final jab however. “Call me if you ever need to relieve some of that tension, Skeletor,” he tossed over his shoulder without slowing. He gave a lazy two finger salute and slow wink, hiding the vindicated grin that spread on his face when his taunt was rewarded with both a dark flush and a visible grinding of teeth. “Ciao!” he chirped, and he strolled out the door.

As he caught up to his sister, forcing her to share her umbrella with him, Lup turned to him and said, “Taako, settle an argument for me.”

“Barry’s already wrong,” Taako cut her off before she could finish, and she gave a crow of delight. Barry spluttered and tried to talk over Lup as she reveled in her victory.

“Now hold on, Taako, hear me out first,” Barry said, “what if it’s _nerd_ stuff?”

“Ugh, babe,” Lup sighed. “‘Ko, Barry thinks you won’t find what happened today in lab interesting.” 

Taako threw his hands up dramatically. “Lup, look what you’ve done. Never thought I’d see the day I sided with fucking Barold over my own flesh and blood. It’s like you don’t even know me at all!” 

“Aw c’mon bro, it’s cool though,” Lup whined.

“Your dumb math black magic could never be _cool._ ” 

“Just ‘cus you can’t do math doesn’t make it magic ‘Ko.” 

“Hun, whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“Anyway,” Lup said with a truly impressive eye roll, “guess who came to our lab today.”

“Doug Math, no way” Taako replied, completely deadpan. 

“Shut up, smartass. No— _the_ Artemis Sterling came into today to pitch internships at his new company to the graduating seniors.” 

“Fascinating,” Taako drawled, but Lup ignored him as she steamrolled on.

“He’s looking for researchers to help launch his organization The Do-Good Fellowship. They’re a humanitarian organization based in Neverwinter that travels the globe helping people. A man like Sterling would have the money to fund _anything_ I’d want to research.” 

Lup practically had stars in her eyes but Taako’s heart had done a strange little stutter at the mention of Neverwinter. Keeping the tightness from his voice Taako asked, “Neverwinter huh? Uh... that’s pretty far away, isn’t it?” 

Taako should have known Lup would always see right through him. She glanced at him, mismatched eyes narrowed in passing concern. But luckily she didn’t mention it, instead she shrugged and said, “You didn’t think we’d stay here our whole lives right?” 

Taako laughed breezily, “Duh,” he said, “cha’boy’s not an idiot. Just didn’t think Barold could handle a journey like that.” He brushed it off and avoided Lup’s gaze, but he could tell that Lup was still watching him for another few, careful moments. 

Finally, Lup relented in her search and let herself get distracted, once again, with spinning elaborate and ridiculous plans for her future as a world-saving scientist. Taako said nothing when he noticed he himself didn’t make an appearance in Lup’s rambles. 

“I wonder if Maureen would be willing to write a letter of recommendation for me. Oh! Or Dav could-”

“Babe,” Barry interrupted Lup, “that would be nepotism.”

Lup’s grin fell and she stuck out her tongue at her boyfriend, “It’s not like him and Merle are _officially_ together on paper.”

“You’re right, you’re right, of course. Plus, Davenport knows you so well he could write about your middle school goth phase in _full detail_.”

Lup gasped. “Who told you about that?”

“Magnus gave me pictures.”

Taako tuned out his sister’s outraged shriek and Barry’s laugh as the two continued to squabble. Rather than acknowledge the dash of panic that simmered at the base of his skull as Lup talked, Taako forcibly returned his thoughts to his final project. He could feel the perfect recipe eluding him, like trying to spear a moving fish through the distortion of the water’s surface, or a word on the tip of his tongue that he just couldn’t remember. It wasn’t like he didn’t have plenty of time. The presentation wasn’t until the spring, worrying now accomplished nothing except to add more stress to his plate. So, without regret, Taako abandoned his brainstorming. The mental avoidance was aided by the distraction of finally arriving home. 

Hidden between townhouses and oak trees loomed the large, disjointed home Taako’s family had affectionately termed the Starblaster. A wild garden filled the front yard and a stone path led to a large door painted a vibrant fire-truck red. Originally a simple home, expansions and additions had been built haphazardly, anywhere there was room, until it became the misfigured and mismatched monolith it was today. Quiet and unusual, like a work of modern art, the cozy neighborhood silence was startled by a bullet of gray fur, barrelling through the front door. 

Taako identified the blur as Johann, the scottish deerhound. Johann brought with him the chaos and noise that was practically the trademark of Taako’s family. The wall of meat chasing Johann was Magnus, trying to corral his dog while avoiding entanglement in the large, orange banner that trailed behind Johann. Lucretia came next, trying to corral both Johann _and_ Magnus, her short, white hair in such disarray it looked like she had been struck by lighting. Behind the lot of them was Angus, who stopped in the open doorway and was holding Lucretia’s camera to his eye, capturing as many pictures of the unusual procession as possible. 

Lucretia spotted the newcomers first, slowing with a relieved wave and placing hands on her knees as she doubled over to catch her breath. Wordlessly she made a quick and sloppy gesture as a plea for help so Lup grinned, passed her umbrella to Taako, and took off after Magnus, now being led in circles around an oak tree. When Johann saw Lup approach he barked happily and gained a burst of speed, excited that more people were coming to play. Lucretia’s groan and hand to her head suddenly explained the state of her hair. 

Besides Taako, Barry released a shrill and impressive whistle, holding aloft the remains of a sandwich from lunch he had dug out of his backpack. The treat worked like a charm and Johann came skidding to a stop in front of Barry, oblivious to the mud coating his legs and the flowers and leaves tangled in his fur. While Barry pulled the lunch meat from the sandwich for Johann, Magnus and Lup untangled the banner from the dog, revealing the words, _Happy 50th Birthday Dav!_ hand painted across it in large white letters. White paw prints covering the banner showed Johann’s contribution to the party set-up.

“Thanks for the help bro.” Lup sniped after they had freed Johann. 

Taako huffed and pretended to inspect his nails, “The day I waste a french manicure on that dog is the same day I eat Barold’s cooking.”

Lucretia cut through Lup’s laugh and Barry’s resigned groan to grasp Taako’s arm. She began tugging him toward the house as she talked, “Thank Pan you’re finally home, Angus and Magnus got most of the decorations up and I managed to force Merle out of the kitchen before we had a disaster, but we really need a cake done, I mean what’s a birthday party without cake? We can’t have that, we just can’t-” 

“Lucy breathe,” Taako interrupted her tirade and gently extracted his arm, “Taako’s got this, chill. Just keep the troublemakers out of my hair.” 

Lucretia’s shoulders sagged in relief and she smiled, “Easier said than done, but I’ll keep them contained if I have to tie them to the kitchen chairs.” Hands on hips she turned to check on the others. By now Magnus was the one entangled in the banner, Johann had Barry pinned and was licking his face excitedly and Lup was trying to convince Angus to let her borrow Lucretia’s camera to capture all the embarrassing pictures. Overall not the most trouble they could have been making unsupervised. 

The scene had Taako grinning, but he smoothed the small, secretive smile while the others weren’t looking and called out, “When you’re done messing around out here Lup, I could use your help in the kitchen!” hitched his bag further on his shoulder and stepped into the Starblaster. 

Taako hung his backpack and jacket on one of the pegs by the door, and shucked off his shoes, a messy, psychedelic cross-stitch asking, _Have you taken your meds today?_ hung above the door frame. The house was more disorderly than usual, streamers and balloons joining the general chaos but Taako meandered his way to the kitchen without stopping. Merle emerged as Taako passed the open door to his study and trailed with him to the kitchen, a mug in one hand and ungraded papers in the other. 

Merle set the papers down on the kitchen counter and headed to the fridge. “Lucretia wouldn’t let me try and get some of the prep started for you earlier so I decided to try and get some work done instead.” he sighed and started filling his mug of cold tea with gatorade.

“She made the right call,” Taako replied, already tying his apron strings and going to the sink to wash his hands, “speaking of, I don’t want your bad luck tainting my work place. Shoo!” Merle stuck out his tongue, a strange gesture for a gray haired man with an eyepatch and prosthetic arm, but allowed Taako to usher him out of the kitchen without complaint. 

The next hour passed with only minimal complications. Three popped balloons, two dog wipeouts and one small fire later things were starting to look about finished. Magnus stood with Taako, holding the cake steady on a rotating plate while Taako slowly piped thick red frosting in complicated swirls around the outside. Magnus was humming absentmindedly, a private smile on his face. Taako thought he recognized the melody to the song _Julia_ , by The Beatles but he wasn’t sure, and he didn’t bother to ask.

Breaking the comfortable silence, Magnus asked, “First week of classes go alright?”

Taako shrugged, “As alright as the endless grind of academics could be.” he replied without looking away from his work on a small frosting rose. 

Magnus laughed, deep and full, luckily used to helping Taako often enough that he didn’t jostle the cake too much as he laughed. “Please, tell me again how thankful I am I didn’t bother with college.” 

Rolling his eyes, Taako still smiled good-naturedly. It’s not like Magnus needed a college degree when he already had a steady job as the head assistant to some independent contractor. Another beat of companionable silence and, as nonchalantly as he could, Taako added, “Sazed’s in my senior practicum.” 

Magnus glanced up at Taako, who avoided his gaze to work on a particularly pesky petal. He kept his tone casual, which Taako appreciated, but the concern was evident in the slight raise to his eyebrows, pulling at the scar that ran through his left one and caused them to draw together unevenly, “Did he... uh... did he say anything?” 

Two years ago, when Sazed had dropped Taako like last season’s out-of-fashion shoes Taako... well Taako hadn’t taken it well. With Lup gone on a study abroad, it had been up to Magnus to put Taako back together again. Nowadays Sazed’s name didn’t come up often, and when it did Magnus knew what it meant. Even if Taako would never admit that he was bothered. 

Taako hesitated and glanced up into Magnus’ intent and waiting face. Recognizing the fierce protectiveness in his eyes, Taako felt a tenseness, that had settled there the moment he had spotted the familiar sandy hair in the lecture hall, leave his shoulders. He smiled, as much to reassure Magnus as for himself. “No. No he didn’t. And he’ll have another thing comin’ if he does hombre, that’s for sure.” Magnus held his gaze just a heartbeat longer before nodding and returning the smile. “Anyway,” Taako said, eager to change the subject, “did you give Julia the apple tarts I made for her?”

“You should’ve seen her face when she ate the first one!” Magnus crowed, delighting himself with the memory as Taako went back to finishing the cake’s frosting. Magnus continued to tell Taako all about Julia’s commentary on his cooking, which led to Magnus gushing about his girlfriend in general, as it always did when Magnus began talking about Julia. They’d met when Magnus’ boss decided to build his daughter a house so that she could move out of the apartment building she currently lived in with the horrible, tyrant of a landlord. The way Magnus told it, it was love at first sight, and the two had been practically inseparable all summer. Taako only pitied Magnus’ coworker and friend Avi who had to work with the lovestruck couple.

Eventually they had everything ready. While taping the last of the streamers Lucretia called for everyone to meet in the living room. Davenport was supposed to be home in minutes and many of them seemed entirely too eager to scare him on his birthday. Lup was practically giggling as she dimmed the lights and took her hiding spot behind the sofa. Even Angus seemed breathless with excitement as his eyes remained glued to the front door. 

It was their absorption with the front door that was their downfall. All eyes were trained on the door, so when an air horn went off behind everyone there was more than one scream of alarm. Davenport stood in the entrance to the hallway, an air horn in hand, and the biggest shit-eating grin, looking like Puck the sprite celebrating his latest successful prank. Johann was barking, excited by the sudden turn of events but the rest seemed to be still trying to slow their racing hearts. 

Davenport only grinned wider, “I may be old, but you can’t fool me yet.” he said, self-satisfied. 

Merle’s booming laugh banished the lingering shock and suddenly the room was a flurry of movement and noise as the family conceded to Davenport’s clear win and threw out the birthday wishes they hadn’t gotten to use. Merle got to Davenport first, pulling him into a big hug that was interrupted when Magnus bounded over and, arms wrapping around them both, lifted them off the floor in his own hug. Lucretia’s camera flashed constantly as she tried and document every moment. 

“Happy birthday old man.” Lup declared with a smirk.

“Yeah, happy birthday Cap’nport.” Magnus said, echoing her.

Davenport sighed, the exasperation obviously fake, “I haven’t been a member of active service for 2 decades now, when are you gonna stop calling me that?”

Crossing prosthetic arms across his broad chest Magnus grinned and said “Never will sir, and you damn well know it.” 

Davenport’s scowl fooled no one. 

“Not to interrupt,” Taako called, “But cha’boy didn’t slave away on the dinner of a lifetime for you bozos to stand around and not eat it. Let’s go, Taako’s starving.” 

Diner at the Starblaster was loud, messy, long, and it was Taako’s favorite time of the day.

Davenport and Barry argued the benefits of different materials in building airplanes, Lup and Magnus seemed to be competing to see who could fit the most meatballs in their mouths at once, and Taako found himself listening to Angus explain the plot of the most recent book he had read. Apparently the kid was on a Lovecraftian kick, and his braces gleamed as he chattered animatedly about eldritch horrors. He had opened up so much over the period of their friendship and Taako was quietly proud of his newly grown brazen confidence. 

“You know kiddo,” Taako started when Angus stopped to breathe, “if you liked Cthulhu that much why don’t you go as it for Halloween? Don’t forget you’re going with ya best bud Taako this year.” 

“Oh I remember Sir, SOS is already talking about the event” Angus said his face lighting up, “June already knows what she’s going to be but she wants it to stay a surprise so she won’t tell the rest of us.” 

Taako nodded, he’d met June several times and the teen was quick as a whip and more organized than most adults Taako knew. It’s a good thing Ren was her mentor, she had the energy to keep up with all of June’s new ideas. 

“Going as an all powerful cosmic entity would be awesome, but I don’t have anything to wear that would make me look like Cthulhu.” 

“Good thing you’ve got me then.” Taako smiled and suppressed a laugh when Angus turned disbelieving and hopeful eyes on his mentor, “we still have plenty of time and more than enough creativity between the two of us, we’ll build it together kid.”

Angus’ squeal of delight was loud enough to distract the other table members from their own discussions and they turned toward the noise. Momentarily distracted, Magnus let a meatball fall from his overstuffed mouth to splat on the table.

“Really Maggie,” Taako pokerfaced, “didn’t anyone ever teach you to eat with your mouth closed?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first fic! Hope you enjoyed me exploring my college stress vicariously through fictional characters. I have an elaborate note document for the rest of the chapters but life is really irregular right now so I can't promise any type of schedule. Thanks for stopping by though!
> 
> A special thanks to my gals who beta'd and edited for me out of the goodness of their hearts and had to deal with my apparent aversion to commas with grace. 
> 
> (each ch. will have 3-5 songs from the playlist I made for the fic that I felt fit most with the ch. just for fun)  
> \- Playlist ch. 1  
> Here It Goes Again // OK Go  
> Let's Face It I'm Cute // 11 Acorn Lane  
> Adulthood // Jukebox the Ghost


	2. October

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey thug, what’s your name, I’m about to tentacle your dick. Hey, hey, hey! I’m gonna get you into some tent porn, lemme get that name real quick so I know how to credit you, in my tentacle porn I’m about to make with your body.” - The Adventure Zone, ep. 36, The Crystal Kingdom

Taako was late. Late, late, late. His heels clattered on the sidewalk as he sped toward the Halloween party as quickly as he dared. Behind the massive Cthulhu costume in his arms, it was nearly impossible to see where he was going. Occasionally Taako caught glimpses of passing shops and cafes, all closing up for the evening, between the piles of paper mache tentacles.

Only a few hours ago, Taako had been in his room in the Starblaster, putting the finishing touches on the costume he and Angus had been working on for the past month. Together they had found a long, shapeless dress at the thrift store that hung to Angus’ ankles. Cthulhu’s iconic face full of tentacles had been made with paper mache and, at Angus’ suggestion, they were attached to an old bicycle helmet for him to wear. The whole process had required a lot of glue, paint, and creativity, but the kid would look phenomenal thanks to all their hard work. They’d had to wait overnight for some of the last minute details to dry, so Taako was attaching them now before going to meet Angus at the SOS Center for the pre-trick-or-treating party. 

Taako had left his room in search of some glue or rubber cement, deciding to check if Lucretia had any left over from her poster board project last week. He gave a perfunctory rap on her door before pushing it open. “Hey Lucy? Do you still have the glue here or-” 

For a moment Taako thought Lucretia wasn’t in the room, since all the lights were off, but then he spotted her. She was sitting on the floor, her back against her bed and her knees drawn up to her chest. She would have been shaking like a leaf if she hadn’t been clamped so tight she could hardly move. Wide eyes, barely visible between her knees and hunched shoulders, stared expressionlessly into the dark and Taako didn’t think she had even registered his presence. In the still gloom of the room he could hear the rapid pace of her breathing. 

“Lucretia?” he tried, keeping his voice very low, “Lucy I’m gonna come over there now okay?” Taako began moving closer, keeping his movements slow and nonthreatening. “I’m not gonna touch you Luce but I’m gonna sit next to you, okay?” Still talking in that low voice Taako settled next to Lucretia on the floor, making sure to leave a gap between their bodies. He leaned his head back against her bed, closed his eyes and took a few audible, deep breaths. For a while, Taako talked about whatever came to mind—this meant mostly repeating recipes he was currently trying to perfect, but the topic didn’t matter. He kept speaking, letting the words just flow aimless and languorous. 

Some time later Lucretia spoke, jaw cracking open like she hadn’t used her voice in days. She had been slowly relaxing as Taako spoke, loosening her white-knuckled hold. “Thank you Taako,” she whispered eventually with a shaky exhale. He didn’t bother telling her a thank you wasn’t necessary. It would never be necessary, she was family. 

Instead he hesitantly asked, “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Lucretia took a few more controlled breaths before nodding, determined, “I finally submitted my applications.” 

As a senior in high school, Lucretia had already compiled binders and spreadsheets to compare different college programs. Taako knew that although she had applied to many schools, her dream school was the prestigious creative writing program in Goldcliff. Despite being the president of the debate team, and the founder of the Bureau of Balance, a club that connected pen-pals globally to encourage cultural exchange, despite the fact that she was guaranteed to graduate valedictorian, a small seed of doubt, one that constantly whispered that she wasn’t good enough, had planted itself deep in her mind. A seed too stubborn to be removed by the others, though they never stopped trying. 

“At least they’re done,” Taako tried, feeling woefully inadequate trying to console her, “you put the best you out there, the rest is up to them. And they’d be just _stupid_ not to want you Luce. Just stupid.” 

A small smile cracked her face and Lucretia scooted a bit closer so that she could rest her head on his shoulder. At a loss for what else to say, Taako just stayed silent, his cheek pressed to her curls. Their breathing to syncing and melding together in the darkness of Lucretia’s bedroom.

That was why Taako was now running so late. In reality, the party didn’t start for another 15 minutes, but Angus still needed the costume, as well as Taako’s help getting ready. Lucretia would be fine, her breathing had settled and Taako had suggested she talk to Merle later if she was up to it—the old man was usually better with this kind of stuff—but she had said Taako had been more than enough. As selfish as it felt to think, Taako was thankful he could still be wanted. 

Thoughts preoccupied, Taako wasn’t paying enough attention to his limited field of vision, at least until he ran straight into something and suddenly paper mache tentacles and the darkening sky were all he could see. Immediate and unwarranted anger surged in Taako. Managing to orient himself and sit up, he turned his gaze to the other pedestrian sprawled on the sidewalk, their limbs and Taako’s muddled together. 

“Hey thug, what’s your name, I’m about to tentacle your dick!” Maybe not the best opening line he’d ever had, but Taako ran with the first words to pop into his head. 

Picking himself off the pavement across from Taako, the large, dark eyes of the barista from Lup’s cafe met Taako’s, mental gears visibly turning as he tried to decipher what Taako had said. Behind him, the pavement was littered with disposable cups that he must have spilled when Taako barrelled into him. 

“Uh... what?” the barista tried, evidently still stuck on the whole ‘tentacle your dick’ thing, but Taako wasn’t paying him any attention anymore. 

While Taako’s butt had taken the brunt of the fall, he was distressed to find some of Cthulhu’s tentacle beard had been separated from the mask. Without supplies on him, Taako had no way to fix the costume unless he went all the way back to the Starblaster.

“Oh no. Oh no no no no no, hell no, not now, not today.” The reality of disappointing Angus taunted Taako despite his shaky denial of the damage. Try as he might, the fallen tentacles could not be coerced back in their place, and their absence left Cthulhu with more of a horseshoe mustache than a full beard. Unless Angus had a secret passion for a biker rendition of Cthulhu, the kid would be downhearted. Oh he’d hide it, assure Taako that _It’s alright Sir, it’s not your fault_ , in his aggravatingly sincere way, but Taako could always see the flicker of hurt in Angus’ big, brown, puppy-dog eyes. 

“Uh, excuse me,” the voice was an echoey baritone, like whispers in an empty theatre. 

Maybe there was a convenience store nearby that would still be open. Taako could grab a bottle of glue right quick and still get to the party mostly on time. Or maybe there would be supplies at the party, left over from the decorations.

“Taako!” 

Back-up plans went spiraling away as Taako was pulled from his thoughts with the sound of his name. 

The barista quickly retracted his outstretched hand when Taako whipped his head around to look at him. “Uh... sorry,” he began, hesitant and voice pleasingly deep, before clearing his throat awkwardly. “I mean, not for the running into you thing, that’s actually your fault.” 

“Did you have a point?”

“Oh yeah, I didn’t mean to startle you—I’ve heard Lup talk about you often enough—that’s how I knew your name I mean.” 

In another situation the barista’s ramblings might have been cute, but Taako didn’t have the time tonight. “Yeah, thanks, coffee boy,” Taako said, gathering the pieces of the ruined costume in his arms, “glad we cleared that up. All the blame is now properly accredited, yada yada, I’m sorry and all that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a young boy to disappoint.” 

“Wait, that’s not what I was trying to say,” the irritatingly persistent man interrupted as Taako turned to go, “I mean it was but-” at an eyebrow raise from Taako the man managed to finish his thought in one impressive rush, “I-noticed-your-project-thing-was-damaged-and-I-just-thought-I’d-offer-I-mean-my-coworker- Sloane-always-leaves-supplies-behind-from-her-art-projects-and-you-could-fix-your-tentacle-man... there.” 

The two of them stared at each other a moment as Taako tried to decode what he’d just heard. In the end, the only thing that mattered was that this stranger had something to fix the Cthulhu costume. With the prospect of not having to see Angus’ kicked-puppy-eyes tonight, Taako said, perhaps a little too loudly, “Well, what are you waiting for hombre? Lets go!”

Luckily the cafe was not far. In the fading light, the dark sign that named the tiny shop as _Raven’s Roast_ hung nearly invisibly in the window. They must have closed up recently, Taako figured; chairs were placed upside down on the tables and the chalkboard menu had already been changed to tomorrow’s specials. Taako’s companion set down the box of spilled cups, and, pushing up the sleeves of the flannel he wore over his work shirt, crouched behind the counter to rummage around for something Taako couldn’t see. When he reemerged, bottle of superglue in hand, Taako got a good look at the labyrinth of tattoos that wrapped around the other man’s forearms and disappeared under his sleeves. 

Relief hit Taako in the chest. “Oh sweet, sticky savior,” he said, setting the broken bits of Cthulhu down on the counter, “bring me that good good glue, my dude.” Stifling what might have been a laugh, barista-man handed Taako the glue and, unprompted, helped him hold the pieces together while Taako applied the glue. 

While adjusting the final tentacle, Taako’s hand brushed the barista’s, shockingly cold compared to Taako’s. “Oh boy. Oh, boy howdy, that’s a clammy one,” Taako muttered absently, glancing up to see the other man’s embarrassed blush bloom across his high cheekbones, feeling a similar and uncalled for heat across his own face. Taako pulled his hands away after another moment, aware of how little time he had left. “Well... I really have to get going...” Taako started, oddly hesitant and voice ringing in his ears, “but thanks. Thank you for the glue.” And he began to gather the costume into his arms, being mindful of the still-drying glue.

“Kravitz.” 

“Gesundheit?” 

The other man put a hand to the back of his neck, a self-conscious smile on his face. “No... no, my name. You asked earlier, I just thought I’d... I’d let you know... my name’s Kravitz.” 

“Well, Kravitz,” Taako said, caught off guard by the appearance of two dimples on Kravitz’s face, “thank you. Uh... see you around then?” 

“Sure,” Kravitz said, and Taako turned and fled before he could think too hard about the way Kravitz’s parting smile had only deepened those dimples.

Taako was lucky that, despite his distracted thoughts, he didn’t run into anyone else the rest of the way to the SOS center. As the noise of the party reached him, Taako deliberately put thoughts of dimples and tattoos aside. 

Situated between a old brick church and the public library, the Center for the Siblings of Support was usually a small, unobtrusive building, but today it was covered in orange and black decorations that sprawled across the cinderblock walls and humble grassy yard. The words _SOS Super Halloween Party!_ were written on a banner over the door, fake skeleton hands holding the corners aloft. Three years ago, Taako had needed community some service hours for a class he was taking at the time, and his friend Ren had suggested the mentorship program Siblings of Support, SOS for short. The organization paired underprivileged kids with high school and college students who would act as their honorary siblings. They helped their mentees with homework, took them out on activities, and cheered them on at their events. When Taako had arrived to the SOS Center for the first time, Angus had being waiting for him on the step outside, wearing his best sweater and little bowtie, clearly as nervous as Taako was for their coming partnership.

When the year was up and Taako’s class over, he never considered ending his friendship with Angus; the kid had buried himself too deeply in Taako’s heart. Angus was one of the few things Taako had done right. 

In the crowd of kids and their mentors that had already started gathering, Taako spotted Angus, chatting animatedly with his friends, his fidgety hands betraying his anxiety. When he finally caught sight of Taako, there was a fleeting moment where Taako saw all of Angus’s fear and nervousness melt into relief, and Taako’s chest clenched in heartache. It wasn’t his fault, but even after all this time, Angus couldn’t escape the brief yet familiar heartstopping feeling of abandonment. 

Angus’ friends had each brought along their respective mentors and various family. June was there with her mentor Ren, her service dog Roswell, Ren’s girlfriend Cassidy, and June’s guardian who was also named Roswell had tagged along too. The whole group was rocking matching Wizard of Oz outfits: June and dog-Roswell as Dorothy and Toto, Ren as the Tin Man, Cassidy as the Scarecrow, and Roswell the human as the Cowardly Lion. On Angus’ other side was Noelle with her mentor Killian and Killian’s wife Carey, whom Taako also knew as Magnus’ best friend. Killian was dressed as Poison Ivy and hugged Carey close to her side, the athletic personal trainer sporting the bright red and blue hair of Harley Quinn. Noelle herself had positioned a small, plush E.T. in a basket on the front of her wheelchair-turned-bicycle. The teen’s creativity didn’t shock Taako as much after all these years, though he couldn’t help being a little impressed.

“Cutting it close, don’t ya think?” Ren called good-naturedly as Taako approached. 

Taako ignored his friend in favor of crouching in front of Angus and presenting the finished costume. “The trip here was nearly a disaster, little dude, but I made it.” 

“What happened, sir?” Angus asked wide-eyed, as if Taako was about to spin a tale of monsters and knights. 

Taako waved a dismissive hand. “Just had to fight my way through adoring fans as always. The life of a celebrity ya’know?”

Angus laughed, and Taako’s lateness was forgiven and forgotten. 

As the lawn filled with kids and their mentors, Taako cycled between playing carnival games with Angus and chatting with the others. Carey and Killian were telling Roswell about the paperwork they received to officially adopt Noelle. They hadn’t told her yet, saving the surprise until the forms had all been approved, but Taako could practically feel their excitement and content. Roswell smiled, their eyes soft while watching June demolish her friends at a ring toss. It wasn’t really clear how the big-bodied school bus driver had come to be June’s guardian, but the love was clear in their every interaction. 

“What about you, Taako?” Carey’s sudden question broke into Taako’s thoughts. At the startled look on his face, she clarified, “Have you and Angus talked about what’s going to happen when you graduate?” 

Currently, Angus lived part-time with his grandfather, but the old man was becoming increasingly senile and more often than not couldn’t remember his own name. Angus’s teachers had lamented, on occasion, that he could have been several school grades ahead by now if it weren’t for the lack of resources. 

Taako laughed, hoping his years of practice would help cover the nerves in his voice. “I need to actually pass these classes first before I can worry about the future. Taako’s got his mind on the now, homie.” The others laughed and the conversation moved on, but Taako couldn’t shake the gnawing disquiet in his mind. In actuality, Taako had thought very much about the future. Not a moment went by where Taako’s mind wasn’t plagued with ceaseless questions about the future, but even as Taako tried to convince himself that he had time to figure it out, each day that passed felt like one more day closer to the day Angus and Taako’s paths diverged. If he felt he could, Taako would have adopted Angus in a heartbeat—but a kid like that deserved someone who could give him the world. Taako, on the other hand, was just... Taako, a kid trying to make it through culinary school and desperately holding on to his family as they all grew up around him. 

Angus bounded over, his Cthulhu mask pushed up on top of his head, brown curls poking out among green tentacles, and Taako forcibly set thoughts of the future aside. What was the use in wasting the time they had by worrying about what came next? With a bag already half-full with candy from the various games, the lot of them took to the streets for some trick-or-treating. 

* * *

Red solo cup in hand, Taako scanned the party goers for any sign of Magnus’ towering bulk. After trick-or-treating, Taako had walked Angus home, the kid’s eyes drifting shut, looking half his age in his exhaustion. Taako had planned on crashing as soon as he made it home as well, but Magnus had intercepted him and dragged him along to a Halloween party held by students who were friends of friends of some teammates of some coworkers who knew Magnus somehow. It didn’t matter—in the dark lighting of the house, faces blurred together, and so many people passed that Taako wasn’t sure how anyone recognized faces at all. Occasionally, Taako caught glimpses of people he recognized—a pair of twins dressed as Jessie and James passed, laughing as they leaned on one another, who Taako thought he knew as popular students in the theatre department, a few grades below himself—but he remained content to lean against the wall and nurse his drink.

“Taako?” A voice said his name quite close to his ear, making Taako jump from where he’d been watching the twins weave through the crowd. Behind him stood the barista from _Raven’s Roast_ , wearing a long black cloak and carrying a scythe. 

“Uh, Kravitz, remember?” he said sheepishly when Taako hadn’t answered. 

“No no, I remember,” Taako said, shaking his head. “I just hadn’t pegged you as the party type there, my dude.” 

Kravitz brow dipped in thought. “Why? Because even though it’s a minimum wage job I can still be a bit draconian?”

Taako rolled his eyes. “Or have you considered it’s because you sometimes sound like a walking Merriam Webster dictionary?” 

The laugh that burst from Kravitz was surprisingly buoyant, and it brought his dimples out again, captivatingly evasive and framing a set of perfect teeth. Taako made sure to say something before he got lost.

“Uh, thanks again for the glue. You really saved a kid’s night.”

“It was nothing. Besides, I was partially to blame and had been hoping to make up for my rudeness at our first meeting anyway.” 

Taako flushed at the memory of their first exchange, but hoped the dimness of the room hid his embarrassment. 

Kravitz cleared his throat lightly and continued without a response. “Anyway, I’m glad I had the chance to meet you again. I was starting to think Lup had exaggerated your... spirit.” 

Taako smirked, ignoring the skip of his heart. “Oh? Well you should know the stories never measure up to the real deal.” 

“I think I’m starting to understand that,” Kravitz said with another shy smile. “I hope we can start over and be friends this time.” 

“One question first: Was it the tentacle thing? Because I think legally you have to tell me if it was the tentacle thing or it’s entrapment.” 

This time Kravitz threw his head back in his laugh. 

A hand on Taako interrupted their banter—Magnus’ cool prosthetic touch was instantly recognizable and immediately followed by his red, flushed face. 

“Taako!” he announced, entirely too loudly. “Yo we need to go!” 

Before he could ask, Magnus had spotted Kravitz and threw an arm over his shoulder, giving the barista a friendly squeeze. “Kravitz, my man! Didn’t know you’d be here tonight!”

“You know him?” Taako asked.

“Yeah, Hurley’s girlfriend Sloane works with him so we’ve met before.” Typical Magnus who knew everyone.

“Anyway,” Magnus continued, refocusing on Taako, “saw Sazed around here so we should peace out. No need hanging around with the likes of him.” 

Taako nodded in agreement. “Best get you home too, big dude,” he added, conscious of the weight Magnus was leaning on Kravitz. “Catch you on the flip side, bone-man,” Taako said with a salute before grabbing Magnus and heading toward the door. 

They made it to the Starblaster without any major accidents. He put Magnus to bed first and was already in his pajamas when Taako noticed the light on under Lup’s door and he stopped to gently swing it open. Lup’s desk had been plundered and papers carpeted the floor. Lup was sitting cross legged on the edge of her bed, completely absorbed in the books spread out over her lap. 

She didn’t look up when the door opened but spoke without checking, “What do you need ‘Ko?” 

“Nothing much,” Taako began, memories of deep dimples coming to mind, along the haunting thought that he might be developing a new crush. “Actually, do you know that guy Kravitz who works at the coffee shop?”

Lup hummed in affirmation but it was obvious she was preoccupied as she leaned over to rummage in her backpack. 

Taako felt the confession die in his throat. “I… just saw him at a party.”

Lup didn’t acknowledge him.

“He’s kinda a dork, that’s all,” he finished lamely. “Don’t stay up too late, nerd.” 

“Night bro,” Lup responded, but Taako had already shut her door and started down the hallway toward his own room. 

It was the first time Taako didn’t tell Lup something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who gave comments or kudos on chapter 1 and sorry for the wait. As always a huge thanks to my betas without whom this chapter would be a lot less intelligible. 
> 
> \- Playlist ch. 2  
> Don’t You Worry ‘Bout Me // Lukas Graham  
> Polaroid // Imagine Dragons  
> Traveller’s Chant // Rizzle Kicks


	3. November

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not yesterday I learned to know / The love of bare November days / Before the coming of the snow, / But it were vain to tell her so, / And they are better for her praise.” - Robert Frost, ‘My November Guest’

Taako stood in front of the door to _Raven’s Roast_ , cradling a take-out box and trying to understand the flutter of hesitation in his chest. The soft heat from the box in his hands soaked through his jacket, emphasizing the day’s chill, and colonized the unknown space in his ribs, finally forcing him inside. Behind the counter, Kravitz paused in his work to acknowledge Taako’s entrance with a smile. In his chest, Taako’s unusual feeling staged a vicious and efficient revolution. Lup was bent inside the pastry display, rearranging the new additions she had recently finished. 

Spying the box in Taako’s hands she called, “If that’s food I’ll love you forever.” 

“You’d love me regardless,” Taako countered, but still he dutifully met her at the counter and unfolded the lid, revealing two small rows of macarons. “Why don’t you just nick some of the food during work?”

Lup gasphed in mock offense. “And place food not made by my dearest darling-est brother betwixt these lips? Blasphemous.”

Having finished with his task, Kravitz leaned across Lup to see what Taako had brought. “You made these?” he asked. 

“Who else, my dude? Class today was on consistency so we were challenged with these bad boys.” 

Kravitz looked up from the delicate pastries to cock a quizzical brow Taako’s way.

“I’m a culinary major, and macarons are hell to get right.” 

The confusion cleared and Kravitz nodded, looking like he was sorting this new information and storing it away in a box labelled ‘Facts about my coworker’s weird brother.’ “Hey,” he began, interrupting Taako’s train of thought, “I’ll trade you. Free drink for a macaron?” and he gestured to the box, already half devoured by Lup. 

“If you think you can make it before Lup gets to them all, be my guest. Show me what you got, Ghost Rider.” 

Kravitz nodded, more serious than Taako had expected, and turned to work. Taako smacked Lup’s hand away from another macaron, still watching the way Kravitz’s forehead wrinkled in concentration. Kravitz plucked flavorings and syrups without looking, easily familiar with the location of every ingredient. Lup whined at being denied another macaron and turned to clean up for the end of her shift. 

Ever since the Halloween party, Taako had found himself spending more and more time at _Raven’s Roast_. It was on his way home from classes, and he would usually make it there by the time Lup’s shift ended, so they could walk home together. If Kravitz had absolutely any other responsibilities beyond being a barista, Taako didn’t know—it seemed the man was always working. Since the truce at Halloween, the two had begun to chat more and more frequently. They still harassed each other, but over the weeks their banter had gradually transformed from competitive to comfortable. It was nice. 

Before long, Kravitz returned, steaming cup in hand. He passed the cup to Taako, his usually chill hands warmed by the drink. Taako slid the box of macarons across the counter. “Deal’s a deal, they’re all yours.” 

“I have a feeling Lup won’t be happy if I eat the rest,” Kravitz said with a pointed look toward the kitchen.

“Oh please,” Taako waved nonchalantly, “she gets to experience Taako brand cooking all the time.” 

So Kravitz smiled and took a bite from a macaron. Taako had seen enough expressions, seconds after a person’s first bite when trying his food to tell if they liked it, and Kravitz definitely liked it. His eyes grew wide and his chewing slowed as he took in all the flavors; he seemed suspended in time for just a moment. Then he looked back at Taako and with a swallow said, “Taako, that’s the most amazing thing I have ever tasted.” 

Instead of softening with relief, Taako felt himself flush. He felt like a bowstring strung too tight, as if one whisper would make him snap. After years of cooking for others, Taako had to admit that he didn’t often accept their praise. Sure, he boasted and postured, but it had taken a lot of hard work to get where he was and Taako frequently brushed compliments aside with the knowledge that he still had so much further to go. Kravitz’s admiration felt too sincere and unwarranted and Taako felt a hot flush rising in his cheeks. 

“I don’t mean to embarrass you but I think you might have magic powers.” 

“Not actually the craziest thing someone’s said to me, Lucy once said, and I quote, ‘Hot diggity shit this is a baller cookie’ in the middle of one of Merle’s work parties.” 

While Kravitz took another bite of macaron Taako tried to hide his blush and took a sip of the drink Kravitz had made for him. It was a warm apple cider but chai tea, creamer, and bit of maple syrup had been added to mellow out the flavor. 

“My man hit me up any time for a trade.” Taako told Kravitz. “It’s like you distilled fall into a single drink that’s not a Pumpkin Spice Latte.” 

Lup reemerged while Kravitz was laughing, bag over one shoulder, “You should be set on muffins for the rest of the afternoon,” she told Kravitz. “See ya next shift!” 

Taako followed his sister, exchanging waves goodbye with Kravitz before pushing out the door back into the November chill. 

Taako wasn’t blind to his own feelings, he knew a crush when he had one. That didn’t mean Taako had to be happy about it. Risk-taker was not a word that described Taako emotionally, and this thing with Kravitz made him feel entirely too vulnerable for comfort. Besides, there were so many unknowns, like how Kravitz himself felt, or if it was even worth pursuing a relationship when Taako had no idea where he’d be in a couple months. He was graduating. The world was his oyster, or at least it was supposed to be. It meant getting attached right now might end up being the worst thing he could do. 

_Would it even matter?_ Taako knew himself, knew he could be... _difficult_. Kravitz didn’t really know Taako, didn’t know the mess Taako could make someone else’s life into. It wouldn’t be fair to lead Kravitz into that. 

“Taako?”

Forcefully setting his thoughts about Kravitz aside, Taako hummed in acknowledgement and focused on Lup walking next to him. 

“Does the future ever scare you?”

Taako hid a sardonic smirk. He knew that tone, it meant this was serious. Lup’s tone said, _this is something I can’t stop thinking about and I have to confess before it devours me_. This was Lup, dead honest and fragile.

So Taako didn’t say _the future terrifies me every day_ ; didn’t say _every second of every hour I feel like I can’t breathe; I can’t stop anyone from changing, from leaving_ , didn’t tell his sister _I’m powerless and helpless and it paralyzes me_. He didn’t say any of it, because Lup had used that tone. Instead he bit his tongue and said nothing at all. Lup needed him.

Lup continued, unprompted, into the silence. “It’s scary, but... it’s kind of a good scary. Sure it’s all unknown, but that’s part of what makes it exciting too. Like a rollercoaster that leaves your stomach behind at the gates, but as soon as the ride is over you’re already back in line to go again. I don’t know what could happen, but also anything can happen, right? I can do anything, be anyone, go anywhere—and that’s frightening, too!” She dropped her hands back down to her sides, finished with her wild gesturing. “It’s just, I’m not the only one terrified by the future, right?” 

_NO_ , Taako wanted to scream, to tell his sister she wasn’t alone—but he remembered the way Lup had talked back in September, the wonder in her voice as she laid out all the possibilities the future held for her. She might be more hesitant now, but Taako could see the same hope and curiosity in her words. Taako and Lup feared the future for vastly different reasons. There was no way he could unload his issues on her and dampen her spark.

“Oh course not, Lulu,” Taako answered in the soft tone he reserved for Lup and Lup alone. “No one knows what the future holds, but I know that no one is more likely to be as ass-kickingly awesome as my sister will be.” 

Lup smiled and bumped Taako’s shoulder with her own, “Thanks bro, but to be fair I’m already pretty ass-kickingly awesome.”

“You’re right, my mistake.” 

“Damn right it is.” 

Ahead of them the Starblaster began to emerge from the trees. Light spilled from the front bay windows and somewhere Johann was barking. Taako had reached the front gate before he realized Lup wasn’t besides him anymore. She stood a little ways behind him, paused in the sidewalk and neck craned back to look at the gray, overcast sky. 

“Lup what is it?” he called to his sister. 

Lup took a moment before responding. Without looking away from the sky, she simply said, “It’s snowing.”

Taako looked up and saw tiny crystal flakes spiralling through the oak trees. It looked like most of it was melting upon hitting the ground, but Lup was right, it was snowing. 

“Huh, so it is.” 

“First snow of the year,” Lup continued, almost to herself. 

“Then let’s get inside before it gets colder.” 

Lup finally looked at Taako, really looked at him, and a soft smile began to cross her face. “You know, the future may be scary,” she said, walking to him. “But I think I’m ready for it.” And she marched toward the door, leaving Taako to follow her.

* * *

Activity in the Starblaster was in full swing that evening. Magnus’ girlfriend Julia had joined them for dinner, and Magnus would corner anyone he could just to gush about Julia’s ongoing feud with her landlord Kalen and how easily she had rallied her neighbors to her cause. Taako liked Julia well enough, she was kind and easy-going and she had the big guy wrapped around her finger, but Taako still tried to avoid Magnus’ good-intentioned enthusiasm. He could only afford to break so many ribs in crushing bear hugs in a single evening.

Angus also made an appearance for dinner. He had brought some biology homework and had been attempting to coerce Merle into helping him with it, without much luck. The old man had determinedly tossed Angus’ homework out a window with the demand that no work ever be asked of him on a Friday night. 

Lup had dissolved into the horde of family members once she and Taako had arrived, and Taako hadn’t seen her in some time. Occasionally she materialized to speak to Merle or grab a handful of chips, and then she was gone again. Taako found Barry in the kitchen between rounds of Mario Kart with Davenport, the former more than willing to step away from his losing streak with the as-of-yet undefeated Daven-‘not-another-fucking-blue-shell’-port. 

“Homie, at this point it’s embarrassing how badly Cap’nport is whoopin’ your tail end,” Taako said, leaning against the countertop. 

“He cheats, and one day I’ll prove how he does it!” Barry banged a fist against the table, his gaze momentarily going hazed with righteous fury. 

“Yeah good luck with that BJBJ,” Taako said doubtfully. “I hope your midterms went better than that last lap of Rainbow Road at least.” 

Barry leaned in close. “ _Cheats_ ,” he hissed, before returning determinedly to the sandwich he was compiling in front of him. “And, well, C’s get degrees, right?” He sighed. “I just want this school year to be over. Last one and all.” 

Taako had raised an eyebrow at the first comment but didn’t bother reminding Barry he’d never gotten a C in his life. “You’re really that psyched about getting a big boy job, huh?” 

Barry laughed, “No, that’s pretty stressful too, but at least I’m not doing it alone.” Suddenly, Barry’s smile was too warm and sincere for Taako to look at. _Right—no matter what, Barry and Lup had each other_. 

A ripple of noise and warmth followed Merle as he entered the kitchen from the living area. “Lup’s looking for you,” he said, pinning Taako with his one good eye. “Last I saw her she was in the Observatory.” 

Taako gave him a lazy salute and, swiping half of Barry’s sandwich, pushed off the counter and headed out the door, ignoring Barry’s spluttering. As the kitchen door swung shut behind him Merle called out, “Good luck!” 

The Observatory was like a real observatory in all the ways cherries were like roses. They’re a part of the same family but roses impressed people with their elegance and efficiency. Cherries, on the other hand, could be the start of something sweet that didn’t resemble the original in any way, in the hands of a chef willing to put in the work and creativity. The Observatory didn’t have any of the shiny bells and whistles of a real observatory, but the room was a familiar large dome shape and held a mass of information and tools for every discipline if you were willing to get your hands dirty. A combination library, study, laboratory, and more, the Starblaster crew had been leaving anything and everything in the Observatory for years. At the far side of the room, the doors to the balcony had been left open, and Taako finally spotted Lup, her back to him, leaning her forearms on the railing. The other reason this room was referred to as the Observatory was because the view of the stars from the balcony was unparalleled. 

“You rang?” Taako drawled as he stepped out onto the balcony with Lup. He offered her the sandwich he’d stolen when she turned to him with a smile. 

“Is Davenport still demolishing all the competition in Mario Kart?” Lup asked.

“You know, Julia seems to be holding her own and soon Dav will have to change his habit of crushing the competition to dust, dancing on the table, and singing about the many widows he’s made.”

“A tragedy for all of us really. Those songs bring back so many good childhood memories.”

“Agreed, and the rhyme scheme just won’t fit ‘Julia’ nearly as well,” Taako sang in a terrible high-pitched imitation of a drunk Davenport, “Davenport ruler of the court, leaves the ladies with no child support...”

Lup laughed. “A lot is changing isn’t it?” she turned away from Taako as her tone grew more serious. 

“Well yeah, I was under the impression that was how time works,” Taako jested. Lup nudged him in the ribs and rolled her eyes. 

“Alright, smartass,” she said. “It's just... it’s... well, Barry and I have been talking a lot about the future. Our future. And... I–I want to propose. To him. Tonight.” 

Taako didn’t need to say anything. He felt like he’d always known this was coming. 

“I love him, Taako, with all my heart... but you,” she turned to him, eyes burning into his now, “you _are_ my heart. You’re why I got here, and I’m why you got here, and that’s something that can’t be broken or lost or taken away.” She grabbed his hands now, and held on like a vice, like she had when they were kids and they only had each other. “If only I could see you with someone, or doing something that made you this happy. I know you’ve been hurt before Taako, and I haven’t always been there when you needed me but I’d do anything for you, put anything on pause, and I’ll stay as close as you need.” 

It slowly dawned on Taako that Lup was saying she’d be willing to put aside the future she talked about, the future she had dreamt of, for him. She’d pause her whole life if it meant Taako was happy—and Taako could never let that happen.

“You don’t have to remind me, Lulu, I know how much I mean to you because I’d do the same for you in a heartbeat. I’m really doing great, there’s a million things I want to do, maybe travel the world. Finally figure out what about Merle’s hometown made him like _that_.”

Despite the quip the worry in Lup’s eyes didn’t lessen. 

“And,” Taako rambled, “You don’t have to worry about me being lonely, cha’boy has definitely got a babe.” 

Shit. 

Lup scrunched her nose in confusion, “Really? Who?” 

The name slipped out before Taako could swallow it back down, “Kravitz.” 

_Shit._

Lup gasped and shoved Taako in the chest, “Why didn’t you tell me! I thought you were my brother! You have to tell me everything.”

Taako’s mind wheeled as he tried to find a way out of this lie, “Now’s not the time for the goss Lulu, are you gonna make Barold an honest man tonight or not?” 

“Right!” Lup swung around and made for the door with renewed enthusiasm. She paused with a hand on the handle and looked back at Taako, “You know we’re not done talking about this.” she said with a wicked grin, “But I feel better now, thanks ‘Ko.”

When she left, Taako was left with only the sound of crickets. Moments later the patio door downstairs opened, and Lup emerged, dragging Barry behind her into the yard. Lup led Barry across the yard to the old wooden playset where they sat on the faded swings. The playset sat lonely on a raised knoll and Lup and Barry looked like they were were preserved in a snow globe as the first snow of the year picked up with a fervor. A memory preserved in a tiny, isolated world. The red of their matching coats stood in stark contrast to the fresh snow and nearly bare trees around them like twin blazes of life. 

From the balcony, Taako watched them talk. He couldn’t hear what Lup said, but Lup and Barry hadn’t been outside for long before Lup had taken a knee and produced a ring. Lup barely had time to connect her knee with the ground before Barry was pulling her back up and kissing her hard. 

A wolf whistle split the air and Taako leaned out over the balcony railing to look downstairs. Merle yelled from the open patio door, “It’s about damn time!” The rest of the family stood in the doorway with him, grinning widely. Lup sent a one-fingered salute Merle’s way without breaking the kiss. 

“Taako get down here,” Davenport called, “hell knows we’ll use any excuse to drink in this house.” 

Lup and Barry were back inside and surrounded when Taako arrived in the kitchen. Lup’s eyes glistened and Barry was openly crying. Davenport was filling champagne flutes at the counter and trying, unsuccessfully, to stop Merle from trying to hold 8 glasses at once in his hands. Barry was telling Julia about the ring as Taako squeezed in next to him. The twisting, knotted black ring had been made with meteorite and synthetic volcanic rock that Lup had apparently created in the university lab. She’d spent months making the ring but had held on to it with a promise to herself that she’d propose on the first day of snowfall. Taako didn’t let himself dwell on the fact that Lup had had this plan for months and never told him. He didn’t know if he _could_ think about that information at all right now. 

Taako slipped an arm around Barry and leaned in close to whisper in Barry’s ear, “Ya know Barold, I’m legally obligated tell you that I have to kill you should you hurt my sister.” 

Barry smiled goodnaturedly, “Bold of you to assume you’ll get to me before Lup kills me herself.” 

“Fair point my dude.” 

“If I didn’t know you any better Taako I’d say you were jealous, but I hear I’m not your type.” Barry said with a knowing wink.

“WHEN could she have possibly found the time to tell you?”

Taako’s exclamation was interrupted by Merle shouting, “Oh hold on, I just had a great idea.” Followed immediately by the crash of shattering glass. 

“Top ten saddest anime deaths.” Merle muttered to the broken glass at his feet. The collective groan was as good a sign as any that it was time to start drinking. 

The party in the Starblaster that night raged for hours. Angus had finally crashed on the couch, Johann snoozing under him as Angus used the dog as a pillow. Magnus had left recently to walk Julia home and the rest of the family were gathered on the floor, the couch being occupied by the boy detective, with pillows and blankets pulled around them. The atmosphere was intimate and warm but Taako stood a little apart, leaning on the back of the couch and nursing the glass of wine he’d grabbed earlier but hadn’t bothered drinking. He absentmindedly reached down and eased Angus’ glasses off his sleeping face, setting them on the side table in easy reach. Davenport waved Merle down with an empty glass cradled in a loose hand as Merle picked his way out of the pile, “If you’re headed that way do you mind topping me up?”

“You’ve just finished the last of it Dav.” 

Davenport’s face fell and he gazed forlornly into his empty glass as Lup reached out to pat his knee consolingly. It was probably for the best, everyone was starting to wind down if they hadn’t crashed already. Lucretia looked like she was fighting a losing battle with her eyelids and Barry had settled his head in Lup’s lap, blissfully enjoying Lup running her fingers through his hair. Taako smiled privately at his family and pushed off the couch, snagging one of Magnus’ jackets that had been tossed on a chair and pulling it on. 

“Where are you off to ‘Ko?” Lup called as Taako reached for the doorknob. 

“I think we’ll all fare better tomorrow if I pick up the ingredients for Taako’s super famous super secret hangover cure tonight. I’m just gonna pop down to Fantasy Sheetz on the corner, I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“Bless. Thank you for embracing the void for us.” Lup said reverently, palms together. Taako gave her a roll of the eyes and a quick salute before diving into the night. Moonlight bathed the neighborhood streets in soft light that mingled with the streetlamps and crows roved in small packs through the shadows but no other people were around. 

The harsh artificial lights buzzed in the near silence of the convenience store as Taako took his time browsing the aisles for ingredients. It was easy to pretend like reality didn’t exist here. For just this moment, looking through shelves of off-brand snacks, Taako could pretend he wasn’t living the life he was. He felt guilty wishing for things to be different, he didn’t _dislike_ his life, but Taako longed for a way to make it all stop for a while. The world kept turning, ruthless and relentless and everyone else managed to roll with the punches. Taako just couldn’t seem to catch his breath. Lup took one look at the fire thrown at her feet and she blossomed in its heat. Taako had to catch up to the changes or soon he’d be left behind in the ashes. He didn’t have to think of these things while deciding between the mint chocolate chip or moose tracks ice cream. Didn’t have to think about what else Lup hadn’t been telling him. 

Taako pulled Magnus’ oversized jacket tighter around him as he stepped back into the night. Snow and the last of the fallen leaves scurried across the sidewalk in Taako’s path, making way for the man who was trying not to exist. 

Shy music met Taako on his way home, tender piano notes, brazenly intruding on the indifferent night. The song was a soft defiance of reality, here as winter muffled the world the piano sounded like spring. It was difficult for Taako to pinpoint the source as the music faded and swelled with the wind but as he walked it grew stronger. Finally Taako spotted a dim shop with the front door propped open. He stopped in front of the door to _Raven’s Roast_ listening to the song coming from inside. Curious, Taako eased open the door, careful not to disturb the music. Inside, the shop was empty, and the lights had all been turned off except the ones above the counter and filtering in from the kitchen. Kravitz was seated at a glossy black piano, a broom and dustpan leaning on the instrument, forgotten. Although there wasn’t any sheet music, Kravitz was hunched over the keys, head low. Taako’s steps were silent as he crept across the linoleum; a discordant note, and the music stopped abruptly. Taako froze watching Kravitz’s shoulders tense with hesitation before adjusting his hands and continuing to play, the notes noticeably more uncertain than before. Once he was close enough to see Kravitz’s hands on the keys, Taako stopped, mesmerized. The piece was done only moments later but pulling himself out of the music felt like escaping quicksand even as the last note lingered in the cafe. 

As the final note faded, and Taako finally was able to come up for air, he began to applaud. Kravitz bolted to his feet and whirled around at the sudden noise, or at least he tried to. Kravitz’s knees jarred the piano as he stood, toppling over the piano bench, forcing him to fumble to catch his balance. As Kravitz rounded on the intruder, Taako pressed his lips together and tried to suppress a smile. He was almost able to keep all traces of amusement out of his voice as he drawled, “I’m impressed Krav, why didn’t you tell me you could play like that?”

Kravitz had recovered from the shock and a warm flush crept up his neck to fill his cheeks, “T-Taako? What are you doing here? How long have you been standing there?”

“Oh just long enough to catch the end,” Taako shrugged, “I was just picking up some essentials down the street and heard the music. Thought I’d check it out.” 

“Oh, well alright, yeah that makes sense. Did you- ah, did you like it?”

“Wow Kravitz, that almost sounded natural.” Taako joked lightly and watched some of the tension leave Kravitz’s frame, “And dude I never even noticed there was a piano there, you should play for the customers sometime, I think they’d love it.” 

“Ha, Raven got the piano mostly for aesthetics. I haven’t even told her I use it for practice some nights, not that I think she’d mind. I mostly just mess around and make up stuff for fun.”

“Kravitz seriously, if that was you just improvising then I can’t imagine the level of talent you’ve got. It was really amazing music.” 

“Thanks, Taako. That means a lot.” Kravitz said, hand moving to cup the back of his neck as his face grew redder, “So... um, other than my music distracting you, are you having a pleasant night?” 

“You could say it’s been an eventful evening since Lup finally proposed to Barry.” 

“What seriously? Oh uh congratulations I guess. I’m really- That’s great. That’s really great.” 

“Great for them, bad news for the rest of our livers. Hangover cure,” Taako said, hefting the plastic bag of supplies, “I don’t want to think about where’d they’d be without cha’boy.”

“Ah, if I know anything about Lup I bet it was one hell of a celebration. You should be careful on the way home.” 

Not bothering to explain that he hadn’t actually had any alcohol—drunkenness was always a useful excuse—Taako waved away Kravitz’s concern, and the flutter in his stomach. Anxiety rose up to squeeze his chest when he remembered what he’d told Lup earlier that night. Taako tried to stay casual, “Speaking of Lup- it’s no big deal, nothing really, I, ah, told my sis this small lie and I’ll owe you like a million macarons if you just play along.” 

“What did you tell her?” 

“About that, I may have told her we were dating. Like you and I.” Taako rushed on before Kravitz could say anything, “And you know, she just has a lot on her plate right now, what with school and graduation coming, and now the wedding and what comes after... I thought she’d have one less thing to worry about if I wasn’t underfoot all the time. It’d be a good excuse to keep busy, and it was kinda spur of the moment, and I totally get it if you’re not comfortable with it.” Taako trailed off. 

“So you want to pretend to be my boyfriend? Taako, that’s fine. I don’t really understand it but, uh, if you think it’ll help then just let me know what I can do.”

Kravitz’s reply sounded so authentic that part of Taako wanted to come clean about his crush right there. Another part of Taako wanted to step out of his body and kick his own ass. How could he have gotten him so deeply in this mess and what would he do if it ended badly? Kravitz could get hurt or their new friendship could be over. Kravitz spoke up over Taako’s worries, “Can I ask though, why... why are you doing this?”

“Because I’m worried no one else will have me.” 

It wasn’t exactly an answer to Kravitz’s question but the confession had poured out of Taako without warning. Hoping Kravitz would blame it on the alcohol Taako hadn’t drank, he flashed a smile and offered Kravitz his hand. “Any food you want, name it and it’s yours.” 

Kravitz smiled back and took the hand Taako had offered. “I’ll hold you to it. And hey, if you liked the music I have a concert coming up in a few weeks if you wanted to come. It’s just an informal show, but if we’re going to pretend to be in a relationship it could be a date, or just as friends.” 

“I’d love to,” Taako cut in, “it’s a date.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again from the void to drop the nov chapter. Actually, just managing to wrap it up between grad school classes. (Uhhh yeah also had to update the tags cus I had a terrible idea so it's now a fake dating au too whoops) Thanks for the patience <3
> 
> \- Playlist ch. 3  
> Kissaphobic // Make Out Monday  
> Love //Lana Del Rey  
> Foolishly Wrong // Autoheart


	4. December

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the tipping point

Setting down his glass of wine, Taako returned his attention to the man sitting next to him.

“Krav, you can’t seriously expect me to believe you have two cats and you named them Nessie and Cerberus.”

“I’m sorry but it’s the truth.”

“You know Cerberus is a dog though, right?”

“And Nessie’s a lake monster yet people never have a problem with that one.” 

“Okay okay, fine but if that’s okay, why I can’t name your motorcycle Garyl.”

“It already has a name, it’s-“

“Yeah, it’s GARYL” 

Kravitz huffed but gave up trying to argue. He looked exasperated, but he couldn’t hide the telltale twitch of his lips or the amusement in his eyes. Taako looked away so he didn’t have to think about the way his lungs felt like they were filling with helium. 

Taako put his hands back to work on the cold, unformed clay in front of him. Kravitz had agreed to meet Taako at The Chug'n Squeeze for another ‘not-date’, to celebrate the end of finals. They were able to talk while making vases. Since their fake relationship began, Taako had learned a lot about the quiet barista. Kravitz had left home as a young adult when it became clear his parents were not going to be supportive of his dream of being a conductor. Now, he supported himself with his job at the coffee shop and by providing private music lessons. It was clear Kravitz saw his boss Raven as a mother figure in his life, and, to a lesser extent, Raven’s wife Istus too. Their friendship went beyond employer and employee and Kravitz talked about Raven like she was a queen. She’d met him while he was street performing and encouraged his pursuit of music, while simultaneously keeping his feet on the ground and reminding him to be practical at times. One of the many tattoos Kravitz had was a raven’s feather that had a sketchy, unfinished look to it. Aside from the piano, Kravitz knew how to play at least six different instruments to varying degrees- despite Taako’s insistence that the triangle did not count. 

In turn, Taako told Kravitz about how he had come to be living in the Starblaster. Although Merle had met Davenport when they both served in the war, Merle, having lost an eye and an arm, left his position as a field medic and tried to build a life and a family on the beach. He’d had a wife and a child, but years later, when Dav called to say there was an open teaching position at the university with he worked for, Merle left. He mainly taught biology but managed to convince the board to let him also teach a philosophy and theology course. The Institute for Physics Research and Experimentation was a well known for their various science programs but Merle argued the students could benefit from a little diversity. 

Then Merle met Magnus. Although he never said why he adopted Magnus in the first place, Taako assumed the problems of a kid with prosthetic arms resonated with Merle. It started Merle’s crusade to find troubled kids that other foster homes had turned away. The twins had bounced from home to home, relative to relative, but never stayed in one place too long until Merle found them. A few years later they took in Lucretia too. She’d been so quiet while in the foster system that previous families speculated she may be hearing impaired or mute, but Merle had just bought a book on sign language and brought her home the same day. Maybe some part of Merle knew that these kids, who didn’t have anyone else, could make their own kind of family together. 

Kravitz had listen intently while Taako talked, his eyes pinned unnervingly on Taako’s. 

“Why did you and Lup move around so much?” 

Taako, taken by surprise, didn’t immediately answer. 

Kravitz blinked, wide-eyed into the silence and scrambled, “Oh, wow, sorry that was really blunt, you don’t have to answer that of course?” He said as he flushed. 

Honestly, Taako didn’t waste much time reminiscing on those years. He wasn’t a sob story and what happened in the past was the past. But this time, while talking with Kravitz, the words tasted different as he held them on his tongue a moment longer than usual. 

“Nah dude it’s chill, it’s not like some tragic backstory or anything. And it’s hard to really know why, we were pretty young. If the system had to separate us, like when families could only take one kid, we’d throw a fit or Lup would always come find me, anything to get back to each other.” Taako shrugged, “Other than that, it might have been because we had a tendency to shut other people out. I mean we had each other- and that was a constant we could count on- so it wasn’t really worth the risk of getting attached y’know? Lup was my whole world.” _And I was hers._

The irony of his own statement was not lost on Taako, as he spoke to the man he was in serious danger of becoming majorly attached to. He had the realization that Kravitz was currently dismantling his carefully laid defenses with nothing but the flick of dark lashes and the asymmetrical curve of his mouth. Taako’s survival instincts made a daring attempt at suicide but he ground the unsubstantiated hopes ruthlessly under his heel. With his pragmatism once again in control Taako said, “So yeah, Barry lived down the street at the time, as soon as we moved in with Merle so he was always around while we were growing up. Then, a few years back, Barry moved in and we were left with way too many people in a house with only 2 bathrooms. Let me tell you my man, mornings are a nightmare.” 

“I can’t possibly imagine.” 

“Yeah, well it should get a little easier soon. Magnus just announced he is moving in part-time with his girlfriend Julia. Which means all his stuff is strewn about the living room like a robot serial killer stopped by went on a rampage, there are arms everywhere.” 

Kravitz laughed. Since Magnus worked as a contractor with Julia’s father Steven, he had designed prosthetics that he could change around to handle the various tools. He’d also carved several, more decorative versions himself, when he wasn’t working with Lup, Barry, and Dav on the designs. Merle’s intricate wood arm, which Magnus gifted him for Candlenights several years back, was still the piece of his greatest pride. 

“And how is that?” Kravitz asked. 

“Oh the big guy is over the moon. Julia trains service dogs and has also picked up a lot from her dad over the years, so they have a lot in common.”

“No, sorry, I meant- well that’s great and all for Magnus really- but I meant how do you feel about Magnus moving out? He’s been a huge part of your life and it’s a big change, I’m sure it’s affecting you as well.”

“I hadn’t really thought that much about it, I’ve been so busy focusing on finals. Now that you mention it, living in a home without having Magnus, or his things, constantly underfoot does sound like a significant change. At least in volume level it definitely will be. But if it’s what makes him happy I’m glad he’s going for it.”

Kravitz, who Taako was quickly learning was incredibly intuitive, smiled reassuringly and said, “Well I’m sure he’ll still be over all the time.” before turning to flag down a waiter to refill his glass and then easing the conversation into a new topic. 

Their fictional relationship had gone over smoothly with Taako’s family and he found that having a boyfriend was actually a welcome change in routine. Lup and Barry were busy with wedding planning on top of school work and Lucretia had taken on more extracurriculars in a panic that her college applications weren’t already impressive enough. So Taako found himself turning to Kravitz more and more often. They texted throughout the day about class and the customers at the cafe and Taako was becoming a regular face in the corner table of Raven’s Roast to study and chat while Kravitz there. Most notably though was how happy Lup seemed these days. She’d begged Taako do consider a double date, which he refused, but hadn’t actually pried too much. If Taako was happy, Lup was happy. He felt just a blush of guilt at deceiving his sister, but Taako reminded himself it was in her best interest. He had no idea how long they’d keep up the charade, but that was an issue for another time, for now Taako was busy getting the hang of the this whole pottery thing.

“Hey,” a passing employee said, pointing an accusatory finger at Taako’s crude clay bowl, “it’s vase day, Cab n’ Vase, no bowls!”

“Oh ab-so-lutel-y, let me just reshape it.” Taako drawled, waiting for the employee to turn his back before pointedly turning his clay back into a bowl. Besides him, Kravitz tried to smother a cough as he’d tried to take a sip of his drink and laugh at the same time.

* * *

Kravitz insisted on giving Taako a ride home afterwards. Taako wasn’t worried about Kravitz’s ability to drive, they hadn’t drank much. No, it was once Taako had seated himself behind Kravitz on his motorcycle (Garyl) that Taako found himself regretting deciding not to just walk instead. With precious few other options, Taako wrapped his arms around Kravitz’s waist to stay steady. Not wanting to overthink what he was doing, Taako pressed close to Kravitz’s back and reminded himself he had to keep up appearances for their fabricated relationship. Before long, Taako found himself standing on the Starblaster’s doorstep, Kravitz having walked Taako to the door, and the two paused for a moment in the chill. 

“I really needed that distraction from finals, you can only be asked to attempt so many variants on a croque monsieur before you start considering destroying your own taste buds and ending it all.” 

“Well at least you’re done, take advantage of the break while you can.” 

Taako snorted, “Done, at least until the next semester starts, and I get to start all over again.” 

“Heh, that’s true. But, if I’m focusing on all the good things the coming year holds, I remind myself that, well that I’ve met you, and that makes me feel a little better about getting back in the ring.” 

For a moment neither of them spoke, Taako barely breathed. Standing there, in a soft professor’s sweater, elbow patches and all, and sleeves pushed up, Kravitz had a simplicity to him that made him seem to exist more. He felt frighteningly, insatiably, and unstoppably real. Taako swayed on his feet, unthinkingly leaning in a little closer. There was a graze of fingers at Taako’s elbow, petal light, and it was only because he was studying Kravitz’s wide brown eyes that he caught the flick of Kravitz’s gaze. 

Taako cleared his throat. 

“Thanks Krav... You’re a good friend, you know.” _A better friend than I deserve._  


The emotions that warped Kravitz’s face were indecipherable, but Taako caught the exact moment his eyes shuttered and, without moving an inch, it suddenly felt like there was a canyon between them. 

His voice was unchanged as he smiled back and said, “You too Taako. You too.” and, hands in pockets, he left.

* * *

The light of a new day left Taako wondering if the previous night had been a dream. It didn’t last long.

Maybe this was how Odysseus had felt. Spending 10 years at war in Troy only to be blown off course for 10 more on the way home. His world crashing down around him and pelted with disaster after disaster, vengeful Gods cutting him off at the knees at every turn. Had Odysseus felt like he had nothing left to lose? Longing to return to a home he knew but looking into a future that proved too murky to see, too lost to ever find again? Taako could feel the storm rage through his bones, thunder a taunting echo of condemnation and waves choking him with the disbelief of the drowning. The stillness of his room oppressive compared to the precarious balance he grappled for on this sinking ship. 

He’d avoided checking his grades for as long as possible and he told himself all that mattered was that he graduated with a degree. Grades were locked in at this point, checking would only make him angry at himself for not trying hard enough. If he was being honest, Taako knew that he hadn’t been in peak performance this semester. Between the pressure of his senior year and his family’s back-to-back changes it was hardly his fault school didn’t receive one hundred percent of his attention. 

Now Taako sat, back against his bedroom door, knees pulled tight to his chest, with a letter in his hand. Such a quiet, unassuming thing. He had failed a class. It wasn’t the first time, but it warranted a letter because it jeopardized his ability to graduate in May with his sister. The failure left Taako behind on the required number of credits he needed with his current schedule for his final semester. _You really royally fucked it up this time didn’t you._ Taako told himself. There was a way to fix this if only Taako could pull himself from his consuming thoughts of guilt. 

After an appropriate time of wallowing Taako kicked himself into action and went in search of Merle. As a professor himself he’d be in the best position to give Taako the most accurate advice on his options. Although he hadn’t seen Merle when he had gone out to check the morning mail, Merle was typically correcting papers in his office around this time. Not bothering to knock, Taako pulled open one of the heavy double doors and poked his head in. The office was deceptively small, the large windows and high ceiling giving it an airy yet intimate quality. Bookshelves, filing cabinets, plants, loose papers, and mugs of cold tea lined the walls and cluttered the surface of the desk, but Merle was not there. 

Taako paced across the outdated orange carpet to the desk, hoping Merle had thought to leave some kind of note before he left. The earthy scent of potting soil mixed with the lingering smell of Merle’s coconut aftershave and helped to clear Taako’s head as he scanned through the items on the desk. Unsurprisingly, Merle hadn’t left a single clue, but as Taako turned to leave something caught his eye on Merle’s desktop computer. An email chain had been left on the screen, but it was the name of the recipient that had made Taako pause. Why Merle would have been sending emails so his ex-wife Hekuba Roughridge Taako couldn’t fathom. From what little he knew of their history, Taako had gleaned that the pair hadn’t parted on the best of terms but they maintained a distant, somewhat professional relationship when required. Merle didn’t often speak about his life before buying the Starblaster but he’d led Taako to believe that he spoke to Hekuba only a small handful of times each year. A quick glance at the email chain told a different story however. The emails traced all the way back to last May, and although infrequent at first, for the last few months, they had exchanged emails weekly, if not daily. 

_“Bubba,”_ the most recent email opened, _“thank you for the videos of Mavis’ ballet recital. I’m reminded every day of how much she has grown. If you have the dates for any future performances I would very much like to attend events more in the future._

_I noticed the old house off of Digby’s Street was put up for sale, that old grouch finally kick it. It’s within the same school district so the kids wouldn’t have to change and who knows what I could do if I got my hands on that yard. What do you think? It’s a little shabby but I’ll need something to keep me busy. Besides, Mookie’s got strong arms like his mum, he’d benefit from learning some good, simple housework.”_

It didn’t make sense. Hekuba took care of Merle’s daughter Mavis and step-son Mookie independently, and the three still lived on the coast in Merle’s old hometown, Bottlenose Cove. The university kept Merle busy and he didn’t have the budget to travel the distance for visits. Merle’s email had talked about purchasing a home in the area. Taako couldn’t stop himself from clicking through the previous exchanges, eyes skipping across the page faster and faster. 

_“Lup finally popped the question. I’ve been waiting for those two to get their act together since they met as kids. They’ll do well together, and they won’t need me to hang around.”_

_“Mavis seems hesitant about the idea, but Mookie is off the walls Mer. He hasn’t had a male influence in his life since his father died, I think you’d be good for him. You’ll have to forgive Mavis, she’s used to holding down her hopes to prevent getting hurt but I think she’s secretly excited to get to know her father.”_

_“Leaving the university will be hard yeah, but I’ve done a lot of thinking and, with these kids here all acting so grown up now-a-days, I’m plagued with regret that I didn’t learn the value of family in time to appreciate the one I had. Mavis and Mookie should come first.”_

_“I know you worry about them but you’ve got to let them go sometime. Oh they’ll fail, and fall, and just generally make a mess of things, but that’s what adulthood is.”_

_“Bubba, I just need a second chance.”_

“Taako?” 

Springing away from the desk Taako looked up to see Merle standing in the doorway. 

“Son, you okay?” 

He wasn’t just thinking of visiting. Merle was thinking about moving back permanently. Merle was leaving, and he’d been thinking about it for months. 

“Taako?!” 

Finally registering Merle’s voice, Taako flustered to come up with a lie, “I was just looking for the good stapler, you know how the one in the cupboard sticks.” He laughed nervously and snatched the stapler from the desk. 

“Well alright, you must have a lot on your mind, you looked about a million miles away just then. I just forgot to grab my chess set before my lunch with John.” 

“Yup, well I’ve got what I need,” Taako edged toward the door and around Merle, stapler held to his chest in front, and the letter about his threatened graduate status held in a tight grip behind him, “tell John hello for me.” 

Taako ran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not only am I always busy, my betas have lives too but trust me, I really depend on their validation. It's a bit shorter but it has the feel of being more of a transition or bridge between the first half and everything to come. 
> 
> \- Playlist ch. 4  
> Call It What You Want // Foster the People  
> White Lies // Max Frost  
> Dive // Ed Sheeran  
> Gravel to Tempo // Hayley Kiyoko


	5. January

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Justin McElroy voice* Hey I just had an interesting thought, actually fuck this.

It seemed like everyone was walking on eggshells around Taako. Even Lup treated him gentler than usual. She tried to convince Taako to talk to her but he shrugged her off. For now she relented and gave him his space, but Lup’s gaze was a physical presence at Taako’s back. Taako barely noticed, he was too absorbed in the weight of Merle’s secret. He had warred with confusion, anger, betrayal, and helplessness but hadn’t been able to confront Merle about the emails he had found. Several times, Taako found himself standing just outside of Merle’s office door. He wanted to yell at Merle, he wanted to barge into his office and demand an explanation for keeping the plan of leaving secret from the rest of them. He wanted to beg for some kind of justification but Taako found himself frozen with fear of what Merle would say. He’d been able to come up with a solution to his missing credits on his own, and it was looking like he’d make it to graduation on krazy glue and a prayer, but a tiny chance was better than nothing. It left no room for mistakes and pressure already rested heavily on his shoulders. Candlenights this year was wracked with tension, as Taako tried to avoid Merle without it being obvious he was doing so, but his large family became an asset, there was always someone to turn to. Angus, in particular, had been a lifeline Taako found himself clinging to over the days.

On a rare afternoon with the house to himself, Angus brought Taako a new pasta recipe he’d found online and they decided to make it together. When Angus arrived, Taako had been sure to updated him on the good news, and the good gossip, he’d missed recently. A couple days ago, Taako had been in the kitchen making pancakes and ignoring Merle who was reading newspaper comics at the table, when Lucretia burst in to the room, out of breath. She held up an envelope, between gasps of air and the inability to stop smiling, Lucretia announced that she was holding an acceptance letter to the Legato Conservatory. She’d been obsessed with attending Legato since she was a preteen, and Taako couldn’t count the number of times he’d caught her in the Observatory fervently wishing on stars under her breath when she thought no one was around.

Everyone knew Lucretia would be accepted, she worked harder than anyone. Her relief and excitement were infectious and the Starblaster celebrated with their usual enthusiasm. Taako had always known Lucretia wanted to go to Legato, but when Lucretia had shown them all her acceptance letter Taako realized that until that point, Legato had seemed a far distant future. Now, Legato loomed over Taako and the rest of the Starblaster crew. No one wanted to be the one to remind everyone Legato was so far away it was practically on another planet, but they all knew it, Taako could see it in the way they suddenly hugged Lucretia a little tighter. At least he hadn’t been the only one suddenly brought crashing down to reality by the arrival of the acceptance letter.

With Magnus moved out part time, Lup and Barry busy with each other, Lucretia busy with school, and Taako busy with ignoring Merle, a familiar chaos masqueraded as the life Taako had grown used to. It was a thinly veiled parody, everyone was always just arriving, or just leaving. All Taako could do was keep himself busy and out of everyone’s way. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He cooked. While Angus stood on a chair at the stove, stirring the pasta’s thick creamy sauce, Taako diced vegetables at the counter, losing himself in the familiarity of the motions.

“Sir?”

“Hmm?” Taako replied absently, “what’s up pumpkin?”

“What’ll happen to me when my grandpa dies?”

Instantly Taako froze. The sardonic, hateful part of his brain wondered when life would stop finding every last bruise on Taako’s soul and pressing it’s advantage.

“Ango,” Taako turned to look the little boy in the eye, “when your grandpa’s time comes we will meet it head on and face the future together, until then there is absolutely no reason to waste away worrying. It will be a long, long, time before he’ll agree to go anywhere.”

Angus’ gaze was sharp behind his thick lenses, “And what about when I’m done with the SOS program? You won’t be my mentor anymore, I guess we won’t have any reason to keep hanging out.”

“You’re right, I won’t be your mentor, but Angus, I will always be your friend, and you know you’re welcome here whenever you want. That offer doesn’t expire, and that’s a Taako guarantee. You can’t get rid of me that easily. Besides, who would I have do my finances if you weren’t around? You expect me to do math on my own?”

Angus giggled and Taako was able to release the shaky breath that had been trapped in his lungs. “You have said I’d make a great Spock. You’d make a decent Kirk, if Kirk had the fashion sense of Madonna.”

“I take that as a compliment thank you very much, and I knew I’d regret ever showing you Star Trek. Check your sauce Mr. Spock.”

Turning to give the sauce a stir, Angus continued, “It’s just, I know Miss Lucretia will be moving away for school and it got me thinking about how everyone has these stages in their life, and when they don’t line up, people move on to the next stage without you... does that make sense?”

“That’s a damn good way of putting it Agnes. Truth is I’ve been thinking about the same thing myself.” Taako began, cut off by the sound of the door bell. Taako made his way to the door, ruffling Angus’ hair as he passed and calling, “If that’s you Aaron, you better have my casserole dish!” Expecting a neighbor, when Taako opened the door he found it was Kravitz standing on the doorstep, still in his work shirt and motorcycle helmet tucked under one arm.

“Sorry, no casserole dish,” Kravitz joked softly, “Just me. Hey Taako.”

“Hey,” Taako hadn’t seen Kravitz since their Chug’N’Squeeze ‘date’. He’d been so involved in the discovery of Merle’s emails. Guiltily he realized he hadn’t texted Kravitz since the date either and memories of their last parting had color rising to Taako’s cheeks. 

He was saved from possible embarrassment by the arrival of Angus. Although he’d shed his apron and brushed the flour from his sleeves, there was still some dusting his dark curly hair like fresh snow. Angus immediately offered Kravitz his tiny hand to shake, “Mr. Kravitz? I am Angus McDonald, it’s very nice to meet you sir.”

“Mr. Angus McDonald, the pleasure’s all mine, I’ve heard quite a lot about you.” Kravitz said, returning the handshake and standing still under Angus’ scrutinizing gaze. 

“Anyway, what are you doing here Krav?” Taako asked when they had finished silently weighing one another. 

Angus twisted to face Taako and spoke before Kravitz could respond, “I’m sorry to be so abrupt sir,” he said, “but I just remembered I have to go.”

“What now? Are you sure Angus?”

“Positive sir,”

There was a determined set to Angus’ eyes that Taako knew well, all he could do was shrug and go along with it, “Well okay then, will you be alright?”

“Oh yes, I am going to meet up with June and Noelle. Miss Ren will be there.”

“Be safe pumpkin, and text me when you get there. We’ll talk again soon.” Angus gathered his coat and hat and said his goodbyes before leaving Taako and Kravitz alone in the too big, too empty house. 

“Well that was weird.” Taako said, turning back toward the kitchen, waving Kravitz inside to follow him, “Walk with me Krav, you can explain while I finish up the pasta.”

Kravitz paused to shed his shoes and coat before padding after Taako, “Actually, I got a message that you wanted to talk to me. An unknown number sent a text earlier but I had to finish up a shift at work.”

“What really? I didn’t send anything...”

“I just assumed it was one of your various family members.”

“Figures, they’re a bunch of meddling busybodies,” Taako muttered, giving the sauce a stir, “But I don’t have anything I was dying to talk to you about. Sorry you wasted the trip for nothing my man.”

Kravitz shrugged, “It’s alright. I’ve been meaning to check in on you anyway.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Taako asked, leaning back and eyeing Kravitz, spoon still in hand.

“Well I hadn’t heard from you in a while, you’ve been a little radio-silent for the past couple weeks... I just thought I’d ask- is everything alright, are you... good?”

“I don’t know what you mean by good Kravitz. I’m as fine as ever, just a little distracted. I didn’t mean to ignore you.” 

“No, no it’s alright, if you’re sure there’s nothing you need to talk about...”

Taako crossed his arms over his chest and turned fully to face Kravitz now, “Of course I’m sure. I have everything under control, it’s really no big deal.” 

Kravitz held his hands up in a placating gesture, “Okay, if you say so. I just wanted to let you know you can talk to me at any time, about school, family, stress, whatever. I know you say it’s not a big deal but if something’s bothering you, you don’t have to keep it to yourself.” 

“Look, thanks and all for the offer Krav, but frankly, it’s none of your business.” 

Hurt flashed in Kravitz’ eyes but he kept his voice level, “Maybe it’s not, but you can’t expect me to just sit by and watch you struggle without saying anything, when it’s clear you’re having a hard time right now. No one can help you if you don’t tell anyone what’s wrong. If you won’t talk to me, or Lup, then maybe try a therapist. Raven’s wife Istus has some friends that work with the university and they’ve helped me out a lot over the years, I could help you get in touch.” 

“Jesus, Krav a therapist? I’m not broken.” The words were said before Taako realized what he’d even said. He jumped to fill the silence, “Fuck, Krav I didn’t mean it like that.”

Kravitz’ eyes narrowed, “Yeah, you did. A lot of people have misconceptions about therapy. Don’t let it be the thing that stops you from asking for help.” 

“And it’s not that, I swear. You just don’t get it Krav,” Taako said softly, hugging himself, “just drop it, alright?”

“I never meant to upset you Taako, and I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to. I’m trying to make you see that you’re not alone, that your friends and family don’t deserve to be lashed out at or ignored when you won’t even tell them what’s wrong, Lup doesn’t deserve that.”

Taako’s voice quavered, “Don’t you dare bring Lup into this.” 

“Taako please, we’re concerned about you.”

“Well don’t be.” 

“Don’t be what?”

“Concerned about me.”

Kravitz sputtered, “What, why?”

Taako put a hand to his forehead, squeezing his eyes shut. Maybe he could block this all out and it’d all go away, “just... because!”

Kravitz’ mouth was a firm line, “No, because why.”

“Because you’re not my boyfriend!” Taako yelled, flinging his hands wide, “It’s all fake and you don’t owe me anything.” 

Kravitz looked like the words had been a physical blow. His eyes widened and his lips parted but he struggled to make words at first, “That doesn’t mean I can’t care about you. You’re still my friend... at least I thought we were friends.” 

“Still means it’s none of your business.” 

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t care about Taako.” Kravitz said in a tone like death itself, expression hardening with resolve. 

“Then what do you want from me, what do you want me to be Kravitz? What would make you happy? What would be enough for you?”

“Taako you are enough! I just wish you’d be honest about your feelings!” 

“You want me to be honest?” Kravitz’ eyes flashed a warning but Taako ignored them, too busy wrapped in a ball of destruction to pull back anymore, “I can be honest. Do you want me to be honest about how hard it was to grow up on and off the streets? Never having a real home? No you don’t. Or maybe you want me to be honest about how I finally had a family and now they’re all moving apart without me. Or I know, I could be honest about how I have no idea what to do after graduation, if I even make it that far. Is that enough for you?” 

“Taako stop,” Kravitz pleaded, “I know life is hard right now but you’re not the only one going through these things.” 

“Maybe I’m not, but I am the one who’s too much of a fuck-up to keep around.” 

“Stop it, I won’t be a part of your self-pity party Taako.” 

“I guess that’s too bad then,” Taako sneered, ignoring Kravitz’ flinch, “because that’s what’s happening, so maybe you should just leave.” 

Kravitz and Taako stared at each other across the kitchen, both of them breathing as if they’d just run a marathon. Taako was startled into looking away by the noise of the front door opening, somewhere in the front room he heard his sister call his name. Kravitz didn’t stay and he swept past Lup as she pushed into the kitchen without a word. Seconds later the front door slammed again and Lup shifted her look of confusion to Taako.

“‘Ko? Is everything alright? What happened to Kravitz? And what is that smell?” 

Seizing the saucepan from the stovetop, Taako dumped the ruined sauce in the sink and surveyed the damage. Lup hovered over his shoulder and Taako knew what they were both thinking, it’d been nearly a decade since he’d burned anything. 

When Taako tried to push past his sister she grabbed his arm. “Oh no you don’t. Taako I tried to give you space but something’s clearly up and I’m sick of you keeping it from me. Tell me what’s going on right now.”

It was the angriest Taako had ever been with his sister. It boiled up from his stomach, fueled by the exchange with Kravitz and left with no where else to go. Later it would hit him, the full force of everything he’d said, but right now his only thought was to get away. Away from this room, away from his family, away from Kravitz. If he could peel himself out of his skin he’d leave that behind too. “Leave me alone Lup,” he said, ripping his arm from her grasp, “I don’t need you.” 

That night, Taako sat at his desk, laptop open. The cursor hovered over the link to request an appointment on the university mental health service website. Hands clenched and lost in thought, Taako stared at the page for a long time, before finally reaching out and clicking the link.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one hasn't been reviewed yet but I'm impatient and couldn't wait any longer to post! Every comment makes my day and I deeply appreciate them so thanks! I'll also be updating some of the previous chapters as my friends find free time to comment on and edit them. They're mostly grammar/punctuation corrections or occasionally rearranging a sentence for clarity so there's no big changes and I apologize if there are confusing or multiple updates as a result. 
> 
> \- Playlist ch. 5  
> Lonely Summer // Raleigh Ritchie  
> Grace Kelly // MIKA  
> Good Kid // Former Vandal


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